Re Miley Cyrus and Moral Judgments

I feel like there's a predictable cycle these days with "news" or semi-news or old news (RIP Neil Armstrong...still) or Breaking Bad spoilers on social media. First, the thing happens and everyone's talking about it. Then, everyone's talking about how everyone's talking about it. Then, everyone's talking about the one or two dumb dumbs who take the 'minority view' to be cool. Then, everyone's talking about how horrible it is that we're talking about it when X is happening over here.

Cue Miley Cyrus.

Last night I was writing the news round-up for Rhode Island and one of the stories I saw mentioned that the town of Warwick is raising money for a memorial to the 100 people who died in the Station Nightclub fire ten years ago. Remember that? When there were too many people inside and they got stuck in the doorway?

I spent the rest of the night clinging to Aaron's neck and trying to dam my mind flood of all the terrible things that happen all the time, and whether or when they will hapen to us and what they will be.

But when I went to bed, all I could see was Miley Cryus. Going to bed after the VMA's. Alone with her thoughts. With what she just did. I immediately sat upright in bed and said to a sleeping Aaron who never heard me - Aaron! Miley Cryus is alone somewhere right now! And that was almost as bad as the Station Nightclub fire in that minute.

I saw the Onion's article yesterday faking CNN Managine Editor Meredith Artley's reasoning for covering Miley's performance (performance?) at the VMA's. I understand why people take issue with its prominence in the headlines, but I do think it's news. Because this is where we are now. This is what we do. No one booed her. No one cut the feed. This is what we do now.

It's kind of unbelievable to me (though predictible) that we're so up in arms about it, though. The collective We usually pride ourselves on being rabidly non-judgmental, don't we? Aren't we the tolerant relativists your grandmother never had?

It's a legit question, this one: can we make moral judgments? About anything?

We certainly have about Miley Cyrus. And cigarettes. And pedophiles. And cheating on your taxes and going to war with Iraq and using your NSA title to snoop on your ex-boyfriend.

But then curiously, several other things are simply out of bounds. We must NOT make moral claims about homosexuality. We must NOT make moral claims about abortion. We must NOT make moral claims about art, or curriculums, or how the government spends its money.

I think we need to do some soul-searching, because I think we all know that we need to make moral judgments, not just about some things but about everything, about our role here in general; and in fact it doesn't matter whether we THINK we should because we do make these judgments every day.

Now, re: Miley:

When I was in kindergarten in Massilon, Ohio my priest's name was Father Kolp and he rode his bike everywhere. He had bright white hair and every year on the feast of the Assumption he prayed from the pulpit for Madonna. Yes, that Madonna. A few years back I finally asked my Mom why he did that (I remember assuming as a kid that all Catholic churches were praying for pop stars that day.) She said for some reason he had some special burden for her. Her mother allegedly named her for the Blessed Mother and she was so lost that it broke his heart, enough to pray for her from the pulpit every year at least.

So let's do that for Miley.

Not Making a Decision is Boring and Not New and I'm Frustrated At You About It

I know a dude who really likes to talk about working out. Like, talking about working out is his working out. Protein shakes. How many reps he did yesterday. The "kids" at the gym that are just constantly asking for advice and the ladies that are asking for phone numbers. Or whatever. You might be thinking - what a tool! And you wouldn't be wrong, necessarily, but that's not the point I'm trying to make.

Physically he is just kind of your average dude. Definitely not a body-builder, which, if you listened to him, you'd think he would be at this point. A little overweight even. Nothing wrong with that, but just kind of unexpected from a dude who should probably marry his dumbbells if he loves them so much (ZING!)

But, no matter how much we'd like it to be, talking about something isn't doing it. That's my segue (blogging is hard.)

This past week I found myself wandering through posts on a new blog that a very close and trusted friend had recommended to me, with the prompting "she reminds me of you!" So naturally I was excited at the potential of finding another e-kindred spirit. I love e-kindred spirits. (Also adding "e-" to things. SUCH A GEN Y, me.)

Immediately I found myself in a black hole of political-disguised-as-not posts. Don't get me wrong, obviously I don't find anything wrong with political posts. Hello, welcome to my blog. But I do find something wrong with being political but pretending you're not; or, more specifically, being political while talking about how you're 'above politics.' It's pretentious and manipulative for one, but it's just bad writing, too. If you wanted to know how I felt about that.

But one post really got to me. (No, really! I get mad sometimes!) It was about abortion, which I'm not going to get into right now, because neither I nor I expect you have the energy right now. I just don't. I can't. Maybe I will talk about it another day but not today. I even just shotgunned a whole Diet Sunkist in about 10 minutes but I still can't. All the Diet Sunkists in the world couldn't make me talk about abortion today! (If you wanted a one-liner from this post to put on your Pinterest.)

The post was very long, which I guess can be expected when you're talking about abortion (I'm too tired!). But the end conclusion was this:

"I'm not sure how I feel about it and we should all be nice when we talk about it."

That was the conclusion.

And the comments! Almost 1,000 comments! Comments of gratitude! These commenters were just so refreshed at her new take on things and her civility and they were just born anew in her new, original perspective and her radical notion of 'unity' and this brand new idea that 'maybe things aren't as black and white as I thought they were when I grew up in a strict evangelical household'! (Seriously, how many stories do we have to read of people 'growing up' in 'crazy strict evangelical households' and then becoming these brilliant, enlightened prophets with the TOTALLY NEW IDEA that maybe their parents weren't always right?!)

1,000 comments of praise for a non-decision. A not new non-decision. That's weird, right? And a little sad?

So I wanted to say this, to those of us who make decisions. To those of us to go to the gym, instead of just talking about it.

Making the decision is the risky thing. That is the brave thing. It's the thing that produces fruit. Talking about "unity" does not work in the face of a crisis like abortion. There is certainly a discussion to be had about treating each other kindly and about understanding that we might not know just how scary or difficult it might be to face an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy. But that discussion has been had. Over and over and one million times just now while you got up to use the restroom. It's not new and it's not novel, and it's not nearly as important as the actual truth, which exists whether we're nice about it or not (and whether we believe it or not.)

Please make a decision. Please. And if you don't, don't you dare criticize those who do. Not making a decision does not make you morally superior; it makes you a dead weight to the conversation.

Also - seriously, dude? If you mention your "traps" or your "glutes" one more time I'm going to go call Gold's Gym and ask how many times you've been in the past month, and then post it on the community board in the lunch room. Don't test me.

Bullet Points

I haven't blogged in a while. Since before a bunch of stizz-uff went down. And not blogging was a conscious choice, because I didn't know what to say. You know, during a lot of the stizz-nuff. I've had a really interesting month and the dust is settling a bit, so I want to start up on sharing again, blog-style.

This blog calls for bullet points because of how much I want to say. You're welcome.

1. Quitting
This is why I haven't been writing. I quit my job at The Phoenician and my mind has been a storm of thoughts and doubts and smiles and frowns since then. It happened in February. All during the time from then until today, I've been wondering how I would write about it in here. And today I decided that I'm not going to tell you all about my boss. Because that's not the kind of person I want to be. Lately I keep finding myself making all these decisions about "the kind of person I want to be." I think every decision we make is that kind of decision, but lately I have been acknowledging that, and it's a lot of pressure sometimes. Like now. I'd love to vent and scream and bring you all into the ring with me on this one, but I don't want to be a person who vents on blogs about other people. Especially when other people tend to be sad and hurting so much of the time. So I won't.

I'll just say this: The Phoenician was an unhealthy place for me. I was treated with a strange, confusing, ferocious dislike, and eventually felt very threatened. I hadn't found a new job by the time I quit, but I had sat crying in the bathroom with the Lord enough times to know when my time was up. It's a shame, because I liked what I did there and I liked The Phoenician family. And I think I did a good job.

My letter of resignation was short. Because I had spent enough of me in that office. And I sacrificed my health, and I sacrificed the respect with which I know I should be treated, bottom-of-the-totem-pole though I might have been. But now I am not there anymore. And our God ushered me out with his sweet breeze of a whisper, and I haven't looked back since.

2. Since then
Since that day in February, things have been even more of a whirlwind. Literally the day before I quit, I got connected with a sweet friend of Aaron's who started her own PR Consulting firm a year or so ago. It turned out they needed some part-time work for a few weeks, organizing their 'books.' I started there the Monday after I left The Phoenician, positively wide-eyed that God provided for us like that. I had a paycheck in my wallet that Friday, like always. We never even missed a Chipotle night, friends.

I was with Serendipit for about 3 weeks, I believe. As that was a temporary gig, I spent a lot of my free time then furiously applying for jobs.

[Regarding job searching: my friend Caitlin, kind of an 'expert' in the
biz, says as long as you're serious about it, you'll find something. That's
why I love Caitlin. And that's also why I love Jesus. Also, the free market.]

Then, I found another job.

I was hired as an HR rep for an awesome little company called Dependable Health Services, Inc. They have a giant staff of nurses who provide in-home care for patients across the valley. The first day I started there, we had a 'team meeting.' One of my coworkers shared a problem they had been having with one of our clients. Problems with clients are not good. I couldn't believe how unlucky I was to have my first day be on a day where the boss was going to have to hear terrible news that there was a client problem, and then, obviously, get angry at whoever caused the problem. But do you know what happened?

He listened as my coworker described the problem, and then he said: "Listen up everybody. If [the client] ever talks to any one of you like that ever again, you just give the phone to me. You all do an incredible job, every single day, and I am so proud of you. Don't let anyone tell you different."

And you know what happened? I cried. And I couldn't believe my poor little heart had been bracing for an angry tirade. Isn't it sad that I was conditioned for that? Not anymore.

Also at Dependable, there I have found such a sweet friend. We went out to a movie after my first week. Do you know how that feels? I feel so stinkin' grateful I could do jumping jacks. She is just awesome. Although, not too great at Words with Friends. (See that? That's trash talk.)

Then.

I got a call a week and a half ago from U.S. Congressman David Schweikert's office. They had gotten my contact info from Aaron's boss (we now owe her both our incomes. Do you think a bouquet of flowers ought to do it?) and wanted to interview me. So they did. And then they offered me a job as a staff assistant. Then I told them I wanted more money than they offered me. Then they said "ok." Then I said "ok."

And now here I am, working out my last week at Dependable, ready to start my new gig in politics on Monday.

Would you like a little peek into my brain? Here we are.

I'm sad to leave. I'm excited to go. I'm so bummed to leave my friend. I
feel guilty for leaving a company that put so much work into training me. But
everyone has been so nice about it. This is the right opportunity for me. I
can't believe this is happening. I can't wait to work in politics. I don't want
to leave. But the offices are right down the street from each other. I can still
visit for lunch. Mmm, lunch. I want a ham sandwich.

3. Here I Raise My Ebenezer
When I was at the Focus Institute in 07, I went on this beautiful women's retreat in the late fall, deep in the mountains behind Pike's Peak. "Deep" as in, in a town with little stores that had animal-skin rugs and cowboy jackets with leather fringes. My sweet friend Lindy gave a talk at the retreat, and she spoke so much truth to me that it hit me like a semi and I buried it deep, deep in my heart. And I kept it for times like now.

Do you know the song "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"? Well, in it, you find one of my favorite lyrics of all time:

"Here I raise my Ebenezer: 'Hither by Thy Help I've Come.'"

Lindy taught us what this lyrics meant. Nestled way back in the old testament is a warrior of a chapter called Joshua 4. The Israelites are passing over the Jordan River, carrying the Ark of the Covenant. And when they make it safely, Joshua tells each tribe to plant a stone at their resting place for the night. Then he said:

"In the future, when your children ask you, 'what do these stones mean?'
tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant
of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.
These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever." -Joshua
4:6-7

This was their "Ebenezer." Joshua knew how precious it was to taste, to see, and to remember how the Lord has provided for you. Let's face it: the future did not hold peace and harmony for the Israelites. But if ever a doubt was to trickle into their meek hearts, they could look back on their stones and remember the God that dried a river for them.

I'll say it again - how precious it is to remember! So here is my Ebenezer: A month ago, I was completely torn up. I felt guilty, hurt, anxious, and angry. I came home from work with tears and stomach pain. I exhausted all the resources I had and tried to take the straightest path. But that only made it clearer that I had to quit my job. I didn't know if/when I'd find a new one, and what my husband and I were going to do for money until then. The next day, I had a temporary job. Then, I got a full-time job. Then, I got another full-time job that included an incredible raise.

Hither by thy help I've come.

4. New beginnings!
This bullet point is intentionally left blank. (nerd grin.)