Friday, June 21, 2013

10 Reasons Why My Dog is the Worst

SO! Do we like the new design? A litte cleaner, a little more modern, perhaps? My buddy Steve down Florida way is a fantastic graphic designer and made this banner for me. He is extremely talented and does freelancing graphic design so if you ever need anything, he is your guy.

Meanwhile. Listen, it's Friday, ok? I read a lot this week and wrote a lot as well, just not here, and today my brain is full of vanilla latte and emptiness, and I just don't have much in me. So let's talk about the Baer. Because he's the worst.

Jet weighs 40 pounds soaking wet, but he has a bark that sounds like one of those black rottweilers that live behind the chain link fence on 19th Avenue downtown. And if you enter my house, or walk near my house, or look at my house, or think about my house, he will bark at you, with a really mean tone if we're being honest.

2. He might be racist and is definitely sexist
Jet does not like dudes. He is instinctually mistrustful of them. Aaron's brother Ben has lived in Phoenix now for years and Jet still won't let him near him. I have no evidence to back up the claim of racism but let's be honest, the odds are with us.

3. He is a total foodie snob
Literally the only things in this world that he will eat that aren't poop are pepper jack cheese, steak, eggs, rice and Purina One dog food. He will not eat anything else. Not peanut butter, no vegetables, no potato chips. I totally bet he instagrams his food, too. Asshole.

4. He plays favorites
And it's me and he won't leave me alone and I secretly love every minute of it except I keep almost tripping on him when I get out of the shower every morning. HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT THERE

5. He has a better singing voice than you

6. He has better taste in TV than you
I swear on Dumbledore's grave that dog shuts up and faces the TV any time Law & Order is on.

7. He is manipulative
This is the face he gives me every. single. morning. when I am about to leave. Since when do dogs have eye brows?

8. He is putting pillow pets out of business

9. He gets carsick

10. I like him better than you
He gets me.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh I can only think about our dogs and thinking of the top 10 lists I could come up with for them.. however a girlfriend of mine from high has this massive dog I have no clue what kind of dog he is but I'm pretty sure he weighs more than I do and he is a complete dope BUT if you put on the Law and Order theme song he howls at it. Can you seriously have the radio going and immediately switch it to the theme song and there he goes howling. Soo funny