Friday, November 4, 2011

Bullet Points Episode 2

1. Yesterday I totally could've stolen a piece of candy from the 300 lbs of Halloween leftovers that were donated to Packages From Home from this one church, but I didn't. And today I totally could've stolen these socks from Payless because it took me 10 minutes to find a sales associate to cash me out, but I didn't. I just want you to know how much of a thief I'm NOT , and also how much I suffer for it.

2. This one fashion blog I follow is totally hilarious, though it offers no fashion advice to me personally that is in any way translatable to real life, being That which is lived Not on a Patio of a Tribeca Loft in perpetual summertime. Anywhoo today she was wearing a half-shirt (really just sleeves and a collar) that was of the pineapple patterned variety, and I was just like, girl, when does it stop being about your sartorial conquests and more about what's going on upstairs? I bet if she read that I wrote that, she's reply with "YEAH that means I succeeded!" but she'd know that no one knew what she meant, not even her, and then she's eat some girl scout cookies to be ironic or something. I'd still have a major crush on her.

3. I think that what people really really want most in life is for something terrible to happen to someone else that they can blame on other people. I really mean that. Watch any political conversation, MTV-based reality show or Clorox commercial and you'll know what I'm talking about. We're a sick bunch, human race.

4. Do you ever haunt yourself with unfortunate images? Sometimes I am so bombarded by these things I saw that I wish I didn't; always at an almost humorously inopportune time, like when I'm eating mashed potatoes or something. Images include - that one lady who got her face ripped off by a monkey and than sewed back on by someone I can only assume had a blood relation to Dr. Frakenstein (HE was the doctor! High School English Success!), also the time I found puke on the pavement outside St. Mary's when I was 8 and thought it was chicken and dumplings, and then, you know, Nancy Pelosi. Why does my mind do this to me?

This has totally been like that episode of Magic School Bus where they go inside that one kids' body, except you were inside the brain of a conservatively manic blonde.

1 comment:

  1. I have those unfortunate images a lot, too. Oh how I hate them. And - of course - when I eat in front of the tv and change channels, there's a very gross picture and my hunger's gone for good. Great. Evelyn