July 11 2012

I don't feel good today. Neither do you, or at least you're not going to act like it. It's too hot here. I had to give a bunch of presentations today in a room that was only semi-air conditioned. I say semi because it wasn't fully air conditioned, and that's what semi means. It was very hot. Yes, I did get Olive Garden salad out of the deal, but don't you dare ask me to be positive when I'm having such a delicious pity party.

Then when I came home I wanted to go to the gym as Wednesday's schedule would normally dictate but I couldn't stand the thought of taking one more step out into the 113 degrees. So we closed all the blinds, ordered Papa Johns and watched two more episodes of Mad Men, which I'm pretty sure is in the thesaurus as the absolute antonym of "going to gym."

Coincidentally, on my drive home, I was getting ramped up on my now fully-fledged pity party and was also daydreaming about Mad Men while I waited in traffic, so when I stopped to get gas I also bought some Marlboro lights. Even if I can only be Betty Draper for just one night, I'll take it. Bright red lipstick and all. (Ok I should tell you all that we are only like, two episodes into Season 2. We're late to the Mad Men party, I get it, blah blah. But DON'T TELL ME THINGS I DON'T KNOW YET is the reason I told you.)

Oh gosh the pity party. We got off track there for a minute. My orange nail polish is chipping! LIFE IS UNFAIR.

I realized yesterday that since I don't work at that hotel anymore I can probably get my nose re-pierced if I want to. But it occurs to me that I'm 25 and I have no idea where that puts me in terms of nose-piercing terrain, but since I spend most of my time at work whining to my boss about how no one takes me seriously enough, it probably wouldn't help my case to put that big glorious silver hoop back in my schnauz. But this adds to the pity party because I was so much COOLER when I had that nose ring. Damn you, adult life. With your teeth brushing and rinse-the-dishes-before-dishwasher rules.

No really, I don't feel good. The heat has given me pains. Or nausea or something. Or like, the sadsies. The I-need-cakesies. Do you know how to make eclair?

THERE'S A CRICKET IN MY HOUSE CODE RED CODE RED