Listen. I don't quite know how this blog makes me seem to you. Do I come off sweet? Abrasive? Pensive? Judgmental? Loving? Weird? Stupid? Hungry? I just don't know.
But I will tell you this.
Sometimes, I am just straight up ANNOYED. I am not feeling pensive or sweet or passionate or introspective or lovely. I am simply CONSUMED BY ANNOYANCE. I open facebook and am immediately annoyed. I turn on the TV and am annoyed. My boss annoys me. The fridge in the break room doesn't get cold enough and that annoys me. My dog annoys me. My chipping nail polish annoys me. Life is hard! PEOPLE ARE THE WORST!
And what is living if a girl can't use her blog to sound off a little, am I right? About all the nonsense, totally irrelevant things that just annoys her beyond what his probably healthy? COME INTO THE ANGER BUBBLE WITH ME.
1. Zach Braff
I mean, seriously Zach Braff? This dude is a huge liberal mouthpiece on Twitter, which is already annoying, because he thinks being on a sitcom that, while hilarious, was largely focused on jokes related to body parts, makes him a political expert. And now he's doing a Kickstarter? A Hollywood celebrity is DOING A KICKSTARTER? HE IS THE 99%!
2. Kickstarter
Seriously? I just can't get on board with it. I CANNOT. You know what I would love to do? I would love to sit at home in my pajamas, eating peanut butter out of the jar and occassionally answering HR questions over the phone. Can I start a kickstarter for that? Because that's what Kickstarters are. It is you saying I have this dream I want to do but I can't afford it and haven't been successful enough to make it work, so please donate to me (instead of the poor in your community) so that I can do what I want. Baloney!
3. The refridgerator in the breakroom
SERIOUSLY IT WILL NOT GET COLD
4. Yesterday's hot yoga instructor
Lady, TURN THE FAN ON. Hot yoga is supposed to be hot, but I'm pretty sure we were all about to die yesterday, just like that lady in that Native American ceremony in Sedona a few years ago. I've been doing Bikram for 6 months now and I know what that room is supposed to feel like. It is not supposed to feel like my limbs are burning off. NOT COOL, BLONDE INSTRUCTOR.
5. The unknown NBA player coming out as gay and suddenly becoming SUPER BRAVE
Seriously with this crap? Let me tell you what's brave - coming out AGAINST homosexual marriage. (Please to recall to memory: the guy that ran into the FRC a few months ago intending to KILL EVERYONE. Also: facebook memes) I can't even get into this one. My keyboard will start smoking. The bottom line is, I just don't care if he's gay, and supposedly none of us are supposed to care, and then he makes every headline ever and the President CALLS HIM? Where am I?
6. Dirty dishes
I mean, seriously dirty dishes? SERIOUSLY WITH THAT? You are single handedly RUINING the feng shui of my entire house.
7. My ankles
WHY ARE THEY SHAPED LIKE THAT
8.The price of gluten-free food alternatives
$15 FOR FLOUR?!
9.Writing the news
The other night, I was sitting there typing away like a good little reporter, and suddenly, I REACHED MY LIMIT. I COULD NOT WRITE ONE MORE WORD. And I was mid-story. It was a very painful experience. It was probably also painful for those around me (read: husband and dog.) It took great amounts of pacing, sweating and coaxing and a very dramatic turning down of the thermostat before I could start writing again. That crisis was averted but I am not looking forward to the next time it happens because it came out of NOWHERE.
10.The fact that House of Cards only has one season out
I can't get enough. I CANNOT GET ENOUGH. It is so terrible and so magnificent. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH OF IT, KEVIN SPACEY. Who do I write to about this.
TURN DOWN THE THERMOSTAT I AM NOT READY FOR SUMMER YET.
god i love you.
ReplyDeleteRe. #5: I think there's something to be said for the hostility in professional sports culture towards homosexuality, at least as I understand it. I get what you're saying, though.
ReplyDeleteRe. #6: I KNOW, RIGHT???