Friday, April 23, 2010

Being Alive Takes a Lot of Expensive Maintenance

I'm sitting on my comfy couch watching Criminal Intent as I write this; very snuggly in my Ohio U sweathshirt blanket and with a snoring Jethro the puppy at my feet. Yes, it's Sunday night, and I'm a Monday-Friday workin' girl. But I'm up past my bed time (there's still a rather cozy feeling associated with that ;) on this Sunday night because I have an involuntary day off tomorrow - I have to get an 'upper endoscopy' done at my gastrointestinal doctor's outpatient clinic. (Do I sound exciting or what?!)

She thinks I may have either ulcers or a gluten allergy - not rooting for either, by the way. But tomorrow morning I will have to be put to sleep while they stick a big tube down my throat, from what I understand. Then when they're done, I wake up at some point, Aar drives me home, and I can't 'drive or sign legal documents' for at least 24 hours. (So driving to The Phoenician and working in HR is O-U-T.) Looks like I have a few more episodes of Criminal Intent in my future...

I am nervous. I guess it's whatever amount of nervous I usually am before I get drugged up. (It still creeps me out that I KNOW the drugs will put me to sleep but there's nothing I can do about it. I suppose that could reveal some slightly alarming control-freak tendencies of mine, but I'll ignore it for now. Because I CHOOSE TO!) But more than nervous, I am just feeling....throwing-hands-up-and-sighing-ish. I just want to know why my stomach always hurts, and I want to do something about it, and I want it to be gone. Whatever they find tomorrow, no matter how annoying it will inevitably be, I just hope it's something.

And I'll be honest with you - this procedure is not going to be cheap. I already know how much I owe for it, and when I first heard the amount I had a little hot flash/hand to the forehead moment.

(Pause: No, I am not going to a 'healthcare debate' place with this. No matter how outrageous medical costs are, I would still never ask perfect strangers to pay for mine.)

Have you ever just thought about what you're costing yourself? It's an idea I never quite entertained until my own personal maintenance was showing up in my own checkbook. Hair cuts, doctor visits, food, shampoo, shoes, laundry detergent, tooth brushes. Going to the gym! Advil, water, dry-skin lotion. Fiber supplements, rest!, seat belts, dentists...someone to talk to! It's exhausting trying to keep your engine running, especially when we tend to think of it not as 'a task' but simply 'living.'

It intrigues me that I am so high maintenance, just for the mere fact that I'm still around. I think I'd be less stressed about the financial burden of everything, though, if I started to think of taking care of myself as something I need to give some real time to and not a nuisance that seems to need attention at the most inopportune times.

Healthy rest, a working small intestine that doesn't hate me and well-exercised muscles shouldn't be a burden, but a joy, right? I am going to work toward that.

Thanks, God, for giving us such fun D-I-Y projects. :)

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