Isn't it kind of cool to know you're seeing exposed rock that was there when the dinosaurs were here? I think I was the only person in our group yesterday who found that endlessly fascinating, but I embrace it.
There's Aaron Michael, me, Ma and Pa! Yes, I had dreams all night of falling off the edge.
Well, Mom and Dad got here on Tuesday evening, and on Wednesday afternoon I found myself in the hospital with stomach pain so bad, I thought they really didn't take my appendix three years ago and it was attacking me again. As we were on our way to the hospital, I started thinking what absolutely ridiculous, exasperating and horrible timing this was. I haven't seen my parents since Christmas and don't really know the next time I'll see them, and here we were going to be spending our afternoon at Scottsdale HealthCare hospital.
Whenever my plans are frustrated like that, I usually try to condition myself to think of how it could be worse; or why it might be GOOD timing and I'm just not feeling it. For example. I kept telling myself on Wednesday that I should count myself lucky, because my mom just happened to be here for my hospital visit - and who doesn't want their mom around when you're feeling awful? But I was having trouble convincing my heart to be positive...
And I thought about how God felt about the afternoon. I am sure that He gave me that stomach ache (the doc. believes I have an ulcer - have to go for a follow-up next week) at that moment for a reason, and that it happened at the 'right time.' That might sound silly - that God gives that much attention to my minutia - but I think He does. Not because I'm important, but because He's God. That's a blog for another day, I suppose...
But anyway, I started imagining how OFTEN God must be whispering "just WAIT...I know what I'm doing..." and how He must feel whispering that. Do you know that feeling? It's like that feeling when you're doing something kind for someone, but they interpret it at first as cruelty.
I'll give a silly example. On Saturday before Easter, I made Aaron a yummy batch of Funfetti cookies (Aar has a funfetti problem) while he was at the baseball game, and hid them in the storage closet to give him on Easter. That night, after dinner, he started begging me to make a batch of cookies. I kept telling him no, and he got frustrated enough that he decided to make them himself. I eventually just got out the funfetti's and let him at it ;), but while he was asking for cookies beforehand, I really felt like I came off pretty cruel. Why wouldn't I make him some? He seemed legitimately bewildered. But I felt anxious - I wished I could just tell him "WAIT! I know what I'm doing!" Do you know that feeling? It's not comfortable. It makes my belly hurt. (Though I guess these days, what doesn't? Nice.)
Anyway, my goal is to keep God from that stomach ache; to be able to tell him "I believe you. I'll wait to get frustrated. I'll figure this is for the best." Don't know if I'll ever get there, but I'll keep trying. Good thing we have a God who smiles on trying.
(That reminds me of my favorite CS Lewis quote: "He wants [us] to learn to walk and therefore He takes away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with [our] stumbles.")
Well, the stomach ache is on the back burner for now (always there, but not nearly as bad) and I am loving the time with Mom and Dad. We are back from the Grand Canyon and going to eat at an awesome Italian restaurant tonight. :)