Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Please Don't Chase Me Because I'll Probably Get Tired After Mile 2

After a weekend consisting of both The Hunger Games movie and a highly anticipated return to Season 1 of 24 that has been 5 years in the making (oh Jack, I've been waiting to return to you since the moment you left), I realized this weird notion I have that you'll now shut up and listen to.

Sometimes when I'm working out and I feel like I'm going to fall over and die (or, "every day at the gym,") I think to myself, 'pretend someone is chasing you!' And I don't mean, pretend Aaron is chasing you to give you a big hug, or pretend the guy from Sbarro's is chasing you to give you the second piece of pizza you bought but forgot on the counter, althought that is a fantasy I like to entertain at other times. I mean, picture someone is chasing you to murder you and then, I don't know. Sell the rights to Lifetime for a movie in which Lindsay Lohan portrays you. THE HORROR.

Because you know how people say that in extreme circumstances, your adrenaline can allow your body to do crazy things? Like moms lifting cars off their children or pre-pubescent coeds fainting on command when they see Justin Bieber? I think I have been under the impression that if I were ever being chased by someone wanting to harm me, I'd always have the stamina to keep running until I was safe. Because hello, if I didn't, that guy could HURT ME and my body knows how to avoid that. Survival mode.

I have no idea where that belief came from but when I was watching Katniss sprinting through the biodome forest this weekend (UM where were the avoxes?!) I caught myself saying "wait - she's getting TIRED? I call BS." And then I thought...oh my word, no one else is weirded out by that. I think this is exactly like how I always thought the word "won" was pronounced like "juan" and no one ever told me differently until 2008.

My fears were cemented when during episode 1 of season 1 of 24 (God bless the brain for forgetting details! Watching it is fun again.) I saw Jack and some weird dude from CTU running away from an assassin, and the weird dude from CTU (I knew he would die the moment I saw him, because you just KNOW with 24, you know? OMG 24 rocks so much) eventually ran out of juice and fell over and got shot and did the whole "I'm-convulsing-from-multiple-shots" thing that all male actors have to do once in their careers. And then he died.

Now, it's like, my life is continually flashing before my eyes. If I apparently can't outrun would-be assassins and/or the people who always ask me for a ride to San Diego at that gas station on Thomas road, OMG MY DEATH IS IMMINENT. Why can't I trust my body to save me?! It successfuly digested a potato casserole on Saturday! It is not without talent!

I think this is another lesson, wherein I learn that our bodies are just shells and evil is real and we can't outrun it. And more than that, that just because I'm me doesn't mean bad things won't happen to me. You guys, that's hard to swallow and I'm not even embarrassed to say it, because I think we all struggle with that to some degree. That's why there's so much road rage in the world.

So now I'm saying God, bless me with difficult things so that I can learn my limits even more; so that it shows me how to lean on you. But my heart is saying - really though, don't please, and please inspire Aaron to buy a chocolate cake tonight because I deserve it. But I think God knows that my mind WANTS my heart to mean it, and that's all I can give right now, and there's that.

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