Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Two Thumbs Down, Hollyweird

These past few nights have actually been pretty cold. Welcomly cold, but cold. After I've gotten home from the gym or yoga I have spent a few extra minutes standing under the shower and marveling at what a great feeling that is, when you're cold. Everyone who is feeling angry right now, go get real real cold then stand under a hot shower. All is not lost.

Last night was no exception, and it was so cold that we finally just decided to get in bed and watch a movie. I wanted a sweet, quiet, un-tense movie so I picked "Pearl Harbor." Just kidding, that's just a little World War II humor for your Wednesday. I really picked "Julie and Julia." I've seen it a few times before and love it. Unassuming and heart-smiley. Classic Nora Ephron.

I still love the way she portrays Julie's marriage, but I wouldn't be human if there were not still a twinge of disappointment every time I watch the movie now, knowing that Julie spent two years shortly after her book was published in the midst of an affair. And then she continued the affair, and her marriage, simultaneously, even while her husband knew about it. That makes my brain hurt. (And my heart.)

Please understand I am trying my best not to judge. Infidelity is wrong. But I don't know Julie, or her husband, and I don't know how difficult it must have been for the two of them, etc. I'm sad for what they went through.

But stick with me.

Last Friday it was cold again, and on Friday nights AB and I tend to want to stay in. No real reason other than we're usually tired to our bones and don't feel like putting on eyeliner. (Speaking for myself here.) So I went to pick up some Chinese food and Aar told me to stop at Blockbuster and pick something out, which was really not smart of him, so I made him pay for his mistake by renting "Salmon Fishing in the Yemen."

*Spoiler Alert*

Dude. That movie was terrible. Just awful. The only redeeming thing about it was the scenery. I don't know anything about Yemen, but now I know it has pretty valleys and rocks and great sunsets, so.

But in the beginning of the movie, you are introduced to Ewan McGregor's mean, meanie wife. She just does NOT have the time of day for him! Oh me oh my she is just so busy and important! Very cliche.

Then, after Ewan falls for Emily Blunt (eat a cheeseburger) he decides that he and his wife should break up. Before he makes this monumental decision, however, Emily tells him - Ewan! (I mean his name is something else, but really it's just Ewan) - Ewan! You must follow your heart! You must be happy!

Then he breaks up with his wife via text message. Can we just talk for a second about how he breaks up with his wife via text message? And it wasn't even words it was just the emoji of an orange cat with spectacles followed by a thumbs down. (Just kidding but that might've been better, actually.)

And this might go without saying, because it's Ewan, but needless to say he is portrayed as our lovely, humble hero of the movie.


It is such a strange sensation to realize that we have so wholly inverted our cultural definition of courage. And I don't mean to sound like your grandpa, but also our definition of honor. Since when is it "super like totally brave" to 'follow your heart'? Following your heart is the easiest damn thing to do in the world! You want something, so you allow yourself to have it. That's what two-year-olds do with fruit roll-ups, hombre. Real courage is doing what you don't want to do because you made a committment. Right? No, but right? Do we still agree on that or am I literally your grandpa now?

And then we are supposed to sympathize with Ewan? I guess I don't know for sure but the sweeping violins and the cheesy kissing scene with Emily Blunt tells my movie senses that yes, he is indeed our lovely hero boy as referenced previously. But isn't he kind of repugnant? Didn't we kind of lose respect for him? Didn't he just break up with his wife via text message because he 'wasn't happy'?

Was he not willing to work for it? Did he not take his vows seriously at all? Was he not willing to fight for it, or to endure a little bit of boredom or a little bit of inattention in order to serve the person he promised to serve always? I mean, how would he take himself seriously after that? You apparently promised someone you'd care for them in sickness and health and until they die but the real tipping point was if she won't listen to your stupid stories about salmon sometimes?

You guys, what's going on?

It makes me sad. I don't know what's going to happen in my life, ok? I don't know how hard some years will be, or how easy, or how whatever. But I do know that I take my vows, both to Aaron and to God, extremely seriously. My priority with Aaron is to love him, even if he's boring me or if he doesn't like PF Chang's and even if one day we're on a rocky road. Even if one day I don't like him. (I can't imagine that day.) Aaron is my priority, just like breathing in and out is a priority. I would not have married him if I didn't mean that.

I think that's the issue. Maybe don't get married if you're the kind of person who considers it a possibility that one day you might text "sorry it's for the best" and then go kiss a skinny broad in the middle east.

It also annoys me how manipulative the movie gets. Why doesn't the director include Ewan's wedding to his wife 15 years ago at the beginning? Show them laughing, making promises, being together and happy about it. And then show their slow decline, and their ignoring of each other, and then end with Emily Blunt. And then we'll see how we all feel.

Gross, is how.

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